Tuesday, February 26, 2008

OHHHH he is SOOO getting a HUGE SLOBBERY KISS TONIGHT!!! ;)

Wayne and I will be celebrating our 5 year anniversary this summer and he surprised me tonight with a NEW RING!!!!!! When we got married we were poor so we just got matching plain wedding bands. I have been eyeing a ring like this (it was a lot smaller though) and have been MAJORLY hinting that I want a new ring.....well low and behold the stud got me this one!!!!

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Isn't it PRETTY!!!!
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I am a chicken!!

I was going to post some full body before and during but after looking at them I'm not quite ready to post them out there for the world to see. There definately is a change but in the pictures I am still too close to what I was so I am not excited about showing them. Also, the before pics are of me in my bra and swim bottoms and WOW they are SUPER sexy!!! HEHE!!! So today I took some pics in a t-shirt and a different pair of swim bottoms, that way when I take the next pictures I will feel a little more comfy showing you all them. (If you are ever over at my house, remind me and I will totally show you the before and afters, I just don't know who reads my blog so I'm not crazy about people seeing me in my bra....hehe... go figure)

Anyways, I do have some before and during face shots that I am totally willing to share.

Before: (this picture kills me, it looks like a mug shot...hehe....)
Face shot 199lbs

During:
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Oh and please don't mind the bluriness.

Friday, February 22, 2008

HELP ME!!! I'M SHRINKING!!!

Well I am proud to say that I have officially lost 26.4 lbs (11.4 lbs since Weight Watchers). I had only lost .2 of a lb over the last 2 weeks, thanks Aunt Flo, so it was an AWESOME surprise when I stepped on the scale yesterday and I had lost over 5 lbs....YAY!!!! Even though I hadn't lost weight for 2 weeks I have been losing inches. I am feeling better all the time, and I'm LOVING that all my clothes are getting WAY too big on me, I'm not going shopping yet because there's no point if I keep losing weight. :) Maybe another 10 lbs and then I'll go on a little spring shopping trip!! I also need to post some before and during pics...oh and some pics of my poop sack pants!! :)

Thursday, February 14, 2008

This Man!!!

This man:
(This pic isn't very good, but I only have a limited amount to choose from so it will have to do)
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Has been in my life for 5+ years, but has been in my soul forever.

Has watched me change from a spoiled, immature brat, into the (still spoiled) wife, mother, and woman that I am today.

Tries his hardest to make me laugh, usually I just roll my eyes, but I hope he knows that's because I love him.

Swept me off my feet, and made me fall in love with him within weeks of meeting him, even though I didn't admit it then.

Has allowed me to be me, good and bad, and still thinks I am pretty great.

Is a WONDERFUL father.

Makes me tingle from my toes to the tips of my hair.

Has listened to me talk for 5+ years, but still "pretends" that when I repeat a story that it's the first time he's heard it.

Doesn't give up.

Is stubborn, strongwilled, passionate, intense, loving, gentle, funny, everything that is needed to handle me.

Makes the lose my breath when he flashes me his beautiful smile.

Was made just for me, and I for him.

Is wonderfully romantic (if your husbands need any ideas on date/gift ideas have them ask Wayne he is AWESOME at them).

Is the man that I want to wake up with when I am wrinkled, gray, saggy, and old.

Is my EVERYTHING, and I love him more than I can express.

I love you sweetie, Happy Valentine's Day!!!!

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Being a Mom

Typical time of wake up: On weekdays, I am up by 7:30am since I drive school bus, but on the weekend I try to sleep in as long as possible.

How many times have you been a new mom: Just once but I hope to experience it again.

How old were you when you became a mom : almost 25

Favorite Kids show: Well Nathan LOVES Poko, Backyardigans, Leap Frog shows, and Whywriters(I think that's what it's called). I don't really like watching any of the shows that he does but I will sit through a Leap Frog show.

Favorite chore: Lately it's been organizing, but normally I like vacuuming, bathrooms, and folding clothes while watching a movie.;)

Least favorite chore: I really don't like doing the dishes but I also don't like my kitchen being a mess so they usually get done. I also HATE putting away clothes, but I am working on that one too.

Meal you cook most often: Anything pasta

Kids favorite meal: Nate LOVES whole wheat pasta, he Loves snap peas, actually Nathan is usually a great eater, he loves taco salad, spaghetti and homemade sauce, chicken, really there aren't too many things that he doesn't like.

5 things that make you smile when you are being a mom: 1. Nathan always telling me he loves me, especially when he's in trouble. 2. When I am explaining to Nathan how he shouldn't act he always puts his nose against mine and tries to distract me, I keep a straight face and continue but it's hard. 3. How Nathan LOVES to dance while I play the piano, when it's a fast song he dances CRAZY, but when I play slow he dances like a ballerina. 4. Nathan's little comments he comes up with like the other day we were watching figure skating and he called the ladies ballerina hockey players. It was so sweet. 5. How when we sing our nighttime songs Nathan will cuddle with Wayne (or anyone else) but when we sing our final song "I'll Love You Forever" Nathan always has to be cuddling with me, and playing with my hair. It's funny, last night he cuddled with Wayne for half of the song and then realized what he was doing and quickly jumped down and ran over to me.

Last time you went out with no kids: Well I go out every Thursday for Weight Watchers, but that really doesn't count. However, I am very lucky to have 2 great friends that I go out with once a month for a girl's night. We have been doing this for over 2 years and we so far haven't gone to the same restaurant twice which has been very fun.

If you could take your kids anywhere where would it be: I would take Nate somewhere that's warm, especially somewhere that has a beach. He LOVES going to the lake and playing in the sand, and I would love to get a tan on these albino legs.

Favorite pastime/activity with kids: I LOVE cooking with Nathan, we don't do it often since we have been so busy lately but I LOVE IT!!!!

1 thing you said you would never do when you were a mom: Spank my child, I have, and I HATE it!!!

If you had an afternoon to yourself what would you do? I would go get a manicure, man my cuticles are HORRIBLE!!! I would also get waxed in areas that REALLY hurt!!! :^O

1 thing you do that your mom did & now you do: I remember my mom singing all the time, she has a beautiful voice and I remember her always singing.

Favorite kids book: I LOVE Sandra Boynton and all her books. I really like Bearenstein Bears (so does Nathan), and I LOVE Goodnight Moon.

Scariest or most heartbreaking moment as a mom: When Nathan was just a little baby, I think he was only like 3 months old, he had a REALLY bad cold and we had to use a nebulizer on him. He would just lay there and scream, which was good because then he inhaled all of the medicine, but it broke my heart. Then I think Nathan was 18 months and he got croup, we had to go into the dr.'s office a few times to put on an oxygen mask and get some medicine again... again he cried and he just looked at me like "Help Mommy" that was horrible. Oh and when Nathan was just a little tiny baby, I had to have my gallbladder removed. My mom came down to take care of both of us, thanks mom, because I wasn't able to even hold Nathan let alone take care of him. Anyways, we had to get Nate's shots and a few hours later Nathan was not feeling so well. He was just crying and crying and even my mom couldn't calm him down. Eventually I had to just stand up and bounce him till he calmed down(it was one of THE MOST painful moment of my life) and then we laid him on my chest, ohhhh man it hurt so bad.

Most joyful moment as a mom: When I found out that I was pregnant after trying for a year. Does that count? And then when they placed Nathan on my chest after he was born.....soooo wonderful. And then when he cried for the first time.... okay I could go on and on.

.Last time your child told you they love you: Nathan just woke up from his nap and walked into my room and announced "Mommy, I sure love you, I need a drink." :)

This is a tag, if you want to do it, go ahead, it was fun!!!

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

WooHoo!!

That's suppose to be a whistle.

Well a little update: When I started this process (weight loss that is) I should have been a size 16 but squeezed my booty into a 14, and it wasn't comfy. Well my pants have been just getting bigger and bigger, and I've been carting around a poop sack lately and it's just not a nice picture. I've also been tightening up my belt which is causing my pants to be "wrinkled" in the front and back. Anyways, I decided to pull out my "skinny" jeans, or at least the jeans I was wearing last year when I lost all my weight.

3 months ago I couldn't even pull the pants up past my thighs, and then 4 weeks ago when I tried them on again before going back to Weight Watchers and I still couldn't get them up. Well today, I decided to try them on again. Not only did I get them on, and zipped up without sucking in, but the legs are actually a little lose.... YAY ME!!!!

Anyways, I am going to have to take some pics to show the difference because it's AWESOME fitting into smaller jeans and looking good in them too.

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

I Love You, but I need this!!!

I have finally been able to make the decision, not only in my head but where it's harder to do,

in my heart.

It's time to stop waiting for this baby to join our family. It's time to stop allowing/or making the excuse that I will do it after the baby comes. Well we've been waiting for over 2 years now and it hasn't happened.

This is one of the hardest things that I have ever done, in fact even typing this right now is breaking my heart. I feel like I am giving up. The "human/guilt ridden" side of my brain feels like there is that little spirit up there screaming for me to not stop, that they want to come down. My heart however, (and spirit) feels like the baby is in Heaven cheering me on, waiting to come when the time is RIGHT....

not when MY time is right!!

We are going to keep trying, I am going to keep going to the specialist, but I really really need to stop worrying/thinking about it 24 hours a day. I want to get my education, I want soooo badly to be a nurse, and I have finally applied today.

Yes, I did it, I applied.

I probably won't be accepted right now (I am sure I need to upgrade one or more of my classes), but that doesn't matter, I needed to do this for me, to remind myself how badly I really do want this.

Like I posted before, I'm working hard to lose weight, not because I want to get pregnant but because I want to be healthy. It's working, I am losing it, and I feel FABULOUS!!!

I need to focus on my husband as a husband, my friend, my soulmate, my buddy, my confidante, my lover, not just my...

donor.

Ugg, just thinking like that makes me hurt, I'm soooo sorry Wayne, but after trying to have this baby for so long sometimes the lines get blurred and then totally messed up.

I need to let go of this horrible guilt that I am carrying around. What kind of woman am I that I can't even have a baby?!? I know that that is soo illogical, but when things don't work right month after month it's incredibly hard to not think it.

Just let it go, Jackie, let it go.

I need to do this for me, and even though letting the control go is what I need to do, I am SOOOO scared. What if it never happens?

What if ?

What if????????????

So special little spirit that is up in Heaven waiting for us ...



I LOVE YOU, but I NEED this!!!
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