Today, not tomorrow.

Yesterday I attended a funeral. One of Wayne's employee's wife was killed in a horribly tragic accident over the weekend. She left behind a husband, 3 beautiful daughters, MANY siblings and even more people that loved her.

It was a BEAUTIFUL service, a celebration of her life and it was wonderful to see so many people express their intense love for this wonderful lady. The Pastor was actually her brother and he read some beautiful scriptures about being in God's arms and God helping to lift you when you are in need. He also talked about how she in Jesus's arms where she is now safe, and at peace. It really was a very peaceful, wonderful funeral.

Another brother told a story, last year her husband and her were in Mexico, where they go every year together, and she was snorkeling. She was swept away in a riptide and was actually quite far away from shore. She had tried to scream for help, had tried to swim back but NO ONE heard her and she just kept being pulled farther and farther away. On the beach one of her daughters noticed that her Mom was gone and then they realized that she was way out in the ocean. This lady's husband (who could barely swim) was able to save her and help her swim, going from buoy to buoy, back to shore. She had told her family afterwards that as she was out there she had made her Peace with God and that she knew she was going to die, she was just too weak,  but that she knew everything would be okay. She survived. THEN this weekend, she was on the opposite side of the city from where she was suppose to be, she pulled her car over on the side of the "highway", jumped out of her car(waving her arms frantically) and was hit by a Semi and died.

Why now, why not in Mexico? If she had just waited half a second would she have lived? If she had pulled over a little more? If the Semi had slowed down 10 miles back just a bit would he not have been there at that exact second? It has been a testament to me that the Lord has a plan for us and when it's your time to go, it's your time.

Wayne and I were talking about the accident on Saturday night after he was informed of her passing and we were both almost stunned how quickly it happened. How incredibly sad it was that they had both left that morning to go to work and "knew" that they would see eachother afterwards and yet she never came home. It was a little overwhelming the feelings that were flooding my thoughts as I thought about how we really don't know when it will be our time and yet

 AM I READY?

Have I said the things to the people I love that I would want them to know? Was I angry with Wayne as he left for work or did I let him know that I love him? What if he never came back, would my last words to him be of love & peace or of anger? Will my boys remember me as a wonderful mom who TRULY cared about them or will they remember that I was always tired/cranky/upset/sad/busy? Have I taught my boys all the things that I would want for them (of course not, but have I started)? Have I made my "peace" with my Heavenly Father? Am I spiritually ready?

Another thing I've been thinking a lot about is the whole time I sat there in the funeral,  I kept feeling that they were still missing something. It hit me about halfway through the service....they never mentioned that they could be an Eternal Family and be with their beautiful Mom again someday. My heart broke for them. I have been to many "LDS" funerals and even though yesterday's funeral was as similar to a "LDS" funeral as you could get there was still SUCH a HUGE piece of the puzzle missing. So incredibly sad.

I am so grateful that I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and that I have the knowledge that someday I WILL be reunited with my family again. That as long as I am doing the things that I NEED to be doing that I will have that peace that whenever it's my time to leave this part of my journey, that it will be okay.

I have decided in my heart that my boys will know I love them, that they are so incredibly special to me, and they will have the knowledge that I want them to have. My husband will know that he is my everything not only by my words but through my actions, and that I want him there someday beside me through the rest of the eternities. My extended family will know how crazy in love with ALL of them that I am. My friends will know I love and appreciate them because I do.

I am also so grateful for the peace that I have because of the gospel and the truth that it gives me. We all go through hard times in our lives but yet I know that my Heavenly Father is there, he REALLY loves us and will comfort us through our lowest moments.

Today is a new day, I am here, I can change and I can be better, not tomorrow but today and that makes me SO happy!!!