Quiet Moments

Tonight as I was laying in bed the room suddenly seemed very dark, too quiet, and lonely(even though Wayne's arms were wrapped around me).....and thoughts....so many thoughts were racing through my mind.

Thoughts of going to school.....

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My classmates, am I going to like them? Sure I am, I like most people. But am I going to connect with them? Are they going to like me? Is there someone in my class that I am "suppose" to meet?

Wow... I can't believe that this is really happening and so soon. Am I ready for this? Today's the 25th...no 26th so that's 5 days till the 31st and then school is in 14 days...oh my goodness that's only 19 days........................ Is my family ready for this? What am I doing to my family? Are my boys going to understand? Are they going to know that I did this to better myself, better our family, better them? Are they going to be bitter that I am leaving them for 10 hours out of the 13 hours they are awake? Rylan will be ok, but how is this going to affect Nathan? He's a GREAT kid, he'll be ok. Quality time over quantity time. Quality time over quantity time.

THE LOAN!!! Oh man, what am I doing???? Ok, if we use {this} much money and I work hard how quickly will I be able to pay it off once I am done school? That's not too bad but is that realistic? Can we really get by? Am I going to make my family suffer financially because of this choice? I KNOW it will all be worth it but what is the price? Sorry boys, tonight for the 3rd night in a row we are having PB&J sandwiches.

It's going to be like being a full-time working Mom. No it's not!!! I will not only be gone for 10 hours a day but then I am going to be studying for at least a few hours a night. I have never been a "working" Mom....I really like being a stay at home Mom. I really like being with my boys most of the time. I really like being home. I like my house.

Agggg....the money. It's ok...there are 2 things that are ok to go into debt for....the Prophet even said so......I wonder if using some of that money for a shopping trip is acceptable too...hehe... (I WAS TOTALLY KIDDING ABOUT THIS). Why can't money just be free? I wonder what prime is going to be when I am done school? I wonder if Wayne is really freaking out about the money but isn't saying anything?

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As all these thoughts were racing around in my mind I could feel my chest tightening, my breathing was getting faster and I could not slow my thoughts down. I quietly asked Wayne if he was awake but he was sound asleep so asking him for advice would be futile.

I did some deep breathing, but my mind was not cooperating. I was thinking how I wish my Dad was there so I could ask him for a father's blessing to help me with these next few weeks of craziness. Since he wasn't there I did the next best thing and something that always helps.....I started to sing in my mind
 'I Am A Child Of God'

I had only sang "I am a child of God" when I quietly heard  "You will be able to receive all the further education that you desire." These words were said to me in my Patriarchial Blessing. Right there Heavenly Father (through the Holy Ghost) gave me the "Father's blessing" that I needed. I NEEDED to know that I was going to be ok. I needed to know that my choices were what Heavenly Father approved. I needed to know that EVERYTHING was going to be fine, my boys were going to be fine, the money doesn't matter...it will all be fine. I know that this has ALL happened for a reason....there have been too many obstacles in the road that have brought me to this point to doubt that RIGHT NOW I am where I need to be. Heavenly Father KNEW that I needed this RIGHT NOW and the peace that washed over my body as I laid silently crying was astounding.  

I am still Nathan and Rylan's Mommy that will never change, I just get to wear OTHER hats too. For now I will be able to take off my Mommy hat for 10+ hours a day and put on my student hat. Then when I am done school I get to put on my working hat. What's wrong with that? I know that my Heavenly Father KNEW that right then I needed him, I REALLY needed my Dad. I am so grateful that he is ALWAYS there willing to help direct me, comfort me, teach me, and love me.

I know that it is 2am but I wanted to write this down because I know that I will want to remember this moment. I am going to have hard days and I am going to feel incredibly lonely but I will be able to go back and read these words and know that when I can't be with my earthly Dad for the love and support I need, I am NEVER alone.

I AM A CHILD OF GOD!!

Some of the random holiday fun!!!

These are just a few of the "random" things that happened over this Holiday season. :)

Trip to Santa was so funny. We told Nathan to make sure you tell Santa something you want for Christmas.....well Nathan stood like this and ran off a list of about 20 things that he wanted for Christmas. What was SOOO funny is EVERY time Wayne and I would ask him what he wanted he would tell us MAYBE 1-2 things. Obviously, Nathan knows who is important to tell your list to. :)

 Both boys enjoyed Santa.

This really is a RANDOM picture but so cute. We were DONE supper, hence the lack of a bib, and decided maybe the boys would like dessert. Rylan sure liked it. 

Nathan's Christmas Concert. The sweet little girl in the pink was VERY hand expressive and Nathan got wacked a few times..hehe. The little guy to his right is his GOOD little buddy Drew R. 

Nate really did enjoy the concert...not that you can tell by this picture.

Dress up day...is this not THE cutest Giraffe you have EVER seen.

Nathan is hilarious as soon as this costume goes on. Nathan has a GREAT imagination and uses it to BECOME Wolverine....it's pretty intense...hehe.

Having some early morning cartoon time. Rylan LOVES to cuddle up to his big brother and will climb up by him all the time. Nathan LOVES it and usually will cover him in hugs and kisses. They are SUCH good brothers. 

Holiday Break...and a MUCH needed break at that. (Warning...tons of pictures)

So Boxing Day night we headed home, quickly brought in all the gifts and luggage from Christmas, threw some laundry into the wash, repacked our bags and went to bed. Early the next morning we got up, repacked the car and were on the road again for our trip to Edmonton with Russ, Beth, Eli & Celeste.

We stopped in Lloydminster for a quick bite to eat. They had an old style train table thing that I use to LOVE to sit on when I was a kid and was excited to see Nathan and Eli sitting on it now!
(This picture cracks me up, seriously, could they be making better faces?!?)

On the road again!!! :)

On a few of the trips the Shutra's took there are pictures of Wayne's Dad giving this EXACT same look, so Wayne felt he needed to carry on the tradition..hehe.

Finally in Edmonton, waiting for Daddy to check into our room...it took a long time and then he told me he had to quickly check the beds for bedbugs....he is such a FREAK!!!!

At WEM... Nathan felt that he was a big boy and needed to sit at his own table. We were only a few feet away but he thought he was pretty cool!!!

The big pirate ship!!!

The first day we were there we just relaxed, did a little shopping and an early bedtime. The second day we were there we spent the day swimming at the WEM wavepool. It was SOOO much fun (I did not even bring my camera but now wish I had). All of the kids (minus Celeste and Beth, who were shopping) had a blast. They loved the newish play area and the wavepool. All 3 of the boys LOVED the waves but Rylan especially loved them. When the waves would hit him he would squeel in delight, and if the waves went over his head he would catch his breath, laugh and then say "More". A nice man gave us one of his tubes (they were leaving) and then went to go get their other one, and then while he was gone another man gave us another tube as well. All 3 boys were able to have their own tube and really enjoyed it.
After tons of swimming and a yummy supper, we took the kids back to the hotel room and put them to bed. (It was FABULOUS because we had adjoining rooms so the kids could just roam free between the rooms and we could visit during naptimes).
That night Wayne and Russell went to an Oiler's game and Beth and I were going to have a girl's night but she wimped out...hehe...actually she had a bad headache and I sent her to bed.

On the 3rd day we did some serious shopping in the morning (I think) and then Beth and I put the babies down for a nap and Wayne, Russell, Nathan and Eli went to WEM rides and had some fun. Eli was a little too short to go on most of the rides, but Nathan was able to go on all of the kids ones and even this "new" rollercoaster. This is the cart they were in, we just could not see them. Russ & Wayne said the Rollercoaster was actually pretty quick and fun (I think Nathan was JUST tall enough to go on this one). Nathan said it was SCARY, but he wants to go on it TONS more times.

Beth & her cuties waiting for the big boys to have their turn.

This one is out of place but this is where Rylan slept...I was taking a picture of his bed and he quickly layed down and posed...hehe..silly little guy.

We headed home on the fourth day, threw all our stuff into the house and rushed into the Blades game. My sister Karalee, her husband Dennis and her girl's Iliegh and Keyla all came down and Dad took us all to the game. Man I miss these guys!!! Hint Hint

This was a pretty common sight...they were ALL sooooo excited to see eachother that there was a lot of tickling and giggling going on.

Dennis, Karalee & my precious little Keyla (who BTW, LOVES her Auntie Jackie!!! Well at least my Cleanup song.)

New Year's Eve we had dinner at Mom & Dad's played cards and just had a nice time and then Wayne and I took the boys home and had a quiet evening alone while playing the new SMB for Wii.

New Year's Day we went back over to Mom & Dad's and had another yummy lunch and played more cards/games. The kids played NON-STOP and really well together. Nathan was sooo happy to have his BEST friend Iliegh back and the two of them just picked up where they had left off almost 18 months ago.

Here's the "big" kids having a little break from playing. Cuddled up in Grandma and Grandpa's HUGE bed!!

Playing cards...my Mom & Karalee needed to be put in a time out for being bad RIGHT before I took this picture...you are BOTH lucky I didn't catch it.

"Baby" girls playing so nicely together.

Dennis enjoying some computer time.

It was such a GREAT Holiday and so nice to be with my family. We were able to just unwind, relax, have fun and de-stress and it was THE PERFECT ending to a busy 2010 Christmas!!!

Christmas Day

Christmas Day was filled with family, gift opening, food, hanging out, and relaxing which is always nice.
Santa snuck into the house sometime in the few moments I wasn't awake coughing and filled our stockings with some fun things.  ** A little side note, see how Santa is underlined on the gifts to Nathan....well Mrs. Clause thought it would be funny to play a trick on "Santa" since Santa thinks he is tricky and tries to figure out his gifts. So this year Mrs. Clause wrapped up the gift and put "To Daddy, From Santa" on the paper and wrapped them again and put "To Nathan, From Santa" (the underline was suppose to remind Mrs. Clause that those were the tricky gifts). Mrs. Clause was then going to open them on Christmas Eve and the REAL recipient would be revealed....HAHAHA!!!! Well Mrs. Clause FORGOT and Santa put them with Nathan's stocking, so when Nathan opened his stocking gift he looked shocked and said "Hey, this is wrapped again, and it says "To Daddy, From Santa" LOL... Oh I could have died of laughter..... Things were quickly fixed and we teased Santa that he was soooo silly and everything was forgotten. **

Santa gobbled up the goodies and the milk and left all the kids a sweet little note. I must have scared him with my coughing though because he RUSHED out of the house and left his hat behind. Hopefully he had some extra ones in his sleigh.

 Rylan opening one of his gifts. He lasted pretty long but was slow, which drove Nathan INSANE..hehe. RyGuy just wanted to play with each of the gifts and didn't care there were more presents waiting for him.

 Nathan really "GOT" the whole Santa thing this year and was THRILLED with all his presents....well with the actual ACT of opening his presents. He likes the things he got, but he REALLY liked opening the gift....but really?!? Who doesn't???

 Little Miss Farrish opening one of her gifts. I wish I had gotten a picture of the gift we gave her as it was a kid's Home Depot welding set (Both her Mom & Dad are Welders) and a Tutu...that's my kind of girl...a little tomboy, but can dress up and be a Princess!!! :)

 Later on in the Day (about 11am..hehe.) the festivities must have really worn out Wayne & Brian 'cause they slept, while....

the girls watched a sappy Christmas movie. I obviously played with my new camera!!! :)

 Nathan found a comfy spot within the disaster zone and enjoyed some Gameboy playing.

Later, that night we went for dinner with the extended family of Shutra's at Wayne's cousins house but I didn't get any pictures of this part.



Christmas Eve 2010

This year was the InLaw's Christmas and we were able to spend a few days with the Shutra's. We hung out for a while, made a Gingerbread House

and then after supper and baths we got to open our Christmas Eve gift...PJ'S!!!

Such POSERS!!!! But soooo cute!!!!

 Yay, a decent picture (finally) of our little family!!!

Christmas Eve Wayne did what he does best (plan the games) and we did quite a few "Minute To Win It" games. We played the cup stacking game, we played get the golf ball closest to the dot, drop the pennies into a glass in a mug of water, etc.etc. But the most surprising and talent showing game we played was get the cracker down the face into the mouth without yours hands game.

Nathan did REALLY well with this one, but those old Shutras have some face moving talents and were SUPER quick.

What a cute kid!!

     

 Wayne's Dad Brian was THE CHAMP at this game....we would say "GO" and within maybe 3-5 seconds the cracker was in his mouth....it was CRAZY!!!

I don't think the cracker ever moved for Andy....such a funny guy!!!

 Ummmm... I am not sure what Darryl is doing here? :)

 Nice one Aaron!!!

 There are NO words...but I must say I took out 2 Shutras (and no that does not include Rylan and Nathan).

 I don't know how Juanita and Grandma missed getting their picture taken at this point but I at least caught this picture of Grandma and 2/3 of her babies.

The kids were GREAT for most of the night but by the end of the games it was DEFINATELY time for bed. Rylan went to sleep really well, but there was a certain 5 year old that was just a LITTLE excited and kept getting out of bed 'cause he "couldn't" sleep...hehe so fun. 

There is a Christmas tree back there. To give you an idea of how high this pile was....it was up to my chest....so many presents just waiting to be opened!!!