I must be having a crazy moment but.....

I have decided that I need to be honest with myself and I need to change my lifestyle because I want to be around for a LONG LONG time!!! Sooooo..... it's time to come clean about my weight.... (insert blood curdling scream here) hehe

Actually, I don't really mind telling people how much I weigh but I have been feeling lately that if I write it down then maybe I will actually be committed to the change. I was a "normal" size in highschool, I was a loose size 8, maybe 140lbs at my biggest and just healthy. I was in dance, I played sports (for fun), and was just a LOT more active. Then I graduated and the pesky fat cells started showing up.

I know that it's because my lifestyle TOTALLY changed, I wasn't doing any(or very little) physical activity, I went through some pretty bad relationships and I totally became an emotional eater.

Well, for probably 8 years I have not been any smaller than a size 10, and I haven't weighed anything less than 169lbs. I have been in a little bubble, at first I didn't really realize how big I had gotten, in my mind I was still a skinny girl. What a shock it was when I saw a picture of myself that showed my whole body and I realized that I wasn't as small as I thought I was.

Last year I decided it was time to make a change, I started going to Weight Watchers and I lost 15lbs which felt FABULOUS!!! Then I thought I was pregnant, quit, found out I wasn't pregnant, started the emotional eating again, and well before I knew it I was at my all time high of 199lbs.
When I stood on the scale and realized how much I weighed I just cried. Not only because I was so "fat" but because I want to be around for a long time, and I don't want to put unnecassary stress on my body.

199lbs.... that's 1 freakin pound away from 200!!!! Oh my goodness.... this was my breaking point!!!! I am tired of food controlling my life, I am tired of being sick because of eating fatty food, I am SOOOO tired of feeling tired all the time, I am tired of not being able to chase my son around the house for very long before I am out of breath, I am tired of being fat!!!! I was thinking about how much weight I have put on since highschool and it's like carrying around 6-10lb bags of potatoes all day and night!!! Or like carrying around 2 Nathan's all day, no wonder I am sooo tired all the time.

So, I decided to take control of my life. Food is not going to control me anymore, and let me tell you I am enjoying eating SOOOO much more than I ever have. I am enjoying the "real" taste of food and not the greasy, creamy, processed taste of food.

I have replaced white bread, with whole/multi grain bread, white pasta with whole wheat pasta, white rice with brown rice and let me tell you, the whole grain/brown stuff is WAY better, it actually has flavor. Instead of eating out 1-3 times a week, we now only eat out 1-3 times a month(except this last week). We don't bring the "bad" food into our home very often and if it's there I send it to work with Wayne ASAP!!!

I got down to 184 lbs on my own but kind of plateaued so I decided that it was time to go back to Weight Watchers, and I am proud to say that I have already lost another 5lbs. I am now down to 179 lbs, and excited about losing more. I am already feeling fabulous about myself. I love that I am starting to get a "poopsack" in my pants again, I love that I have moved down 3 knotches on my belt, I love that my skin looks better, but what I love the most is that I am in control of ME!!!! YEAH!!!!

So next time you see me, you will be seeing less of me, and I am SOOOO excited about that!!!